As usual, the Puget Sound sleeps while I sit, and mentally pace, wide-eyed at my desk.
This evening, I found myself attempting to organize projects that are halfway complete or barely started. Most are files on my laptop that I toss around like my laundry – as I throw them in random folders, straight to the desktop, or in one of eight folders that are named “writing” in some form. Such as
writing stuff, writing ideas, words, ideas from the lava tar pit, writing folder, and so on.
You’d think I would have eventually, or even gradually, arranged these into more specific categories, right? Organization is not a strength I carry, apparently.
It’s okay – I’ve accepted it and come to terms with it. I do intend on creating a space and gathering ideas from professionals on how to contain that fire.
Anyway – I realized something while going through all these pieces. After reading them for a few hours and sorting them out a bit – I sat back and realized that I do have a sense of fear about sharing my work.
You may be thinking , “What? Why? You have writings, drawings, and music clips all over the place.”
But – it is the truth.
Why do I think this? I believe I justified keeping so much work locked away – veiled by the safety of my password-protected PC – by stopping and going to something else immediately. Not much downtime in between most of them. Many of them were started on the same day. I couldn’t even go a full day with a single-minded focus.
This is reminiscent of my mind and my life. It all came together tonight. There are hours of “busy-procrastination sessions” that I eventually pinpointed. Sort of an, ‘I am busy so that means I am being productive in this pursuit’ type of lie that I constantly repeated to myself.
Justified=the mind is at ease and confidence remains balanced.
Why am I telling you this? I have no clue.
This isn’t what I had in mind at all when I sat down to write this. In fact, my intention was to write about how the weather is resembling my life’s soundtrack lately. Nature’s orchestra never stops playing. Birds are rock stars and the wind is due for a Grammy.
Most intense brass composition in a comedy goes to…
The Windy Winds of the Wind.
I know that was stupid – I don’t care.
Hard Segway ahead…
Life is closing a door.
Change is occurring. You could say in profound ways.
Some good and some terrifying – like walking into absolute darkness wearing sunglasses and feeling the ground consume your feet with a muddy substance.
But – it’s all manifestations.
It’s all a playing of energy doing what energy does. I am in absolute acceptance and open to a billion possibilities.
Fundamentally, deep within the caverns and echoes of my true nature, this is the truth.
On the surface of my human experience, though, it’s a hail-firestorm combo with an occasional glimpse of sunlight.
Take the hits. Feel them. Know why they are there.
In those rays – are the whispers.
The answers aren’t even hiding…they are kicking back in lawn chairs, basking in the sun and drinking a huge glass of cold lemonade.
Or why others let it happen…
First step – Be The Change and Emulation Will Eventually Occur
I will continue walking with my head held high, my shoulders back, and live in a constant state of allowance to what happens to me – as I attempt to live my advice.
Stay vigilant, my ninjas – I’ll do the same.
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